So, I think its about time I sat down and watched some anime. I haven’t in such a long time. Lets do thissss.
Attack On Titan go!
Had to create a text document to place on my desktop for a convenient reminder.
"REASONS YOU SHOULD STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX"
Gonna double click that shit into oblivion.
I fucking adore QI. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a show called Quite Interesting hosted by none other than Stephen Fry.
It’s a really funny and informative program. :)
(I’m sure everyone knows about it, but I figured I’d say something anyway cuz it’s making me laugh and feel better)
To preface this, I rarely use this blog as a diary or journal of sorts, but in this case, I need to let it all out.
I haven’t really thought about it too much up until this point, but for the past 7 days I’ve been all by myself. The girl and I split (more on that down below) and my sister went on vacation to Florida. So, for Thanksgiving I didn’t really get to do anything, since my family lives up in Pennsylvania and I’m down here in North Carolina. I’m not really complaining at all, because I’m pretty easily entertained and ended up just playing Skyrim most of the time, but today was just a very melancholic day and this is probably a word vomit of that.
So, yeah, the girl and I split. I honestly think it needed to happen. We argued. A lot. It became a thing we did. It was ugly. It was the worst experience in a relationship that I’ve had, and it was sad. Not a condescending sad, but a reflecting on life kinda sad that it ever had to be that way, because things could have been amazing with that girl.
I HATE arguing. It makes me feel really uncomfortable, but when I was with her, everything turned into an argument. It turned me into a very aggressive person. Not physically, of course, but it got to the point where we knew each other well and how to really get under each other’s skin and everything became a battle and who would win it. That hurt me. A lot.
My last relationship, before this one, was a stark contrast in comparison to my latest. We rarely argued. Things only got worse up until the end of our relationship, when I needed a change of pace. But that relationship was beautiful. I met a girl who had a heart of gold and a mind filled with wonder and imagination. And she was weird. Goofy. Fun. And she played video games and loved them as much as I did. We understood each other on a very deep level and could have very in depth conversations about the universe or life in general. She taught me a lot, and she helped catapult my creativity and allowed me to bring out the innocent part in me. If I dare say it, she was the first person I actually fell deeply in love with.
I’m not saying my recent ex didn’t have some of those qualities. She did, but it was not as pronounced. She was emotionally stunted and had a lack of empathy. She was immature. She was the girl who would kick your knees on the playground to show her interest in you, but that part of her stayed into adulthood and that made it very difficult and very painful to deal with. She was never direct with her feelings and it became an exhausting ordeal trying to understand what she was feeling. She would also act very differently in front of her friends. She gets very obnoxious, loud and it made me distant from her. I didn’t know her when she was doing that.
So, I reflect on what my life was like when I was with her and it makes me feel quite upset. There were definitely some bright moments with her. Some beautiful and life-lasting memories, and seeing her smile and thinking about it makes me choke up, but for the most part, sadly, everything that I remember now has blurred. Those good memories are not the ones that stand out. What I remember is a vague and ambiguous relationship roughly based on a few things: finances, sex, and just arguing about this and that with a only a few nice days peppered about.
Tonight was a little rough on me emotionally. I just needed to get all of that out. I want to move on from this, but it’s going to take some time, some patience and some conscious effort on my part to try and not let it all get me down. Thanks for reading if you ended up getting to the end.
At this point I don’t really feel like it’s appropriate to say that being alone is difficult. I think it’s just going to take some getting used to not having someone around that I can talk to. Just having someone existing around you. The air seems to be different when you’re with someone, and even though now that I’m free now and I feel like I can breath easier, there’s still an attachment to that feeling that’s rather unpleasant. I just want it to go away so that I can move on.
Really diggin’ doing photosets lately. Expect a lot more. :)
Last night I had a dream that my recent ex and I were arguing.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank my brain for reminding me of one of the reasons why I couldn’t continue on with that relationship.
Aaand single. Time to fight off the horde of women I highly suspect will be barreling my way, offering me candied bacon and extra cheese pizza. Might have to just give in and let them take over me, like a wave to a seashell on the beach, carrying me out into a sea of boobies.
Rofl. Dude. What is this site. Like, really.
I blocked this chick and she sends her guy after me. He’s all like,
"You’re kind of an awkward motherfucker, aren’t you? Cute of you to harangue my girl and then block her. Hah.
I’ll save you the effort and block you, buuuut I definitely wanted to tell you that you’re pathetic before you got the chance to be a cunt. ;)
FetLife is officially more uptight than OkCupid. What a fucking joke.
Also what is their obsession with the word awkward? I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
Someone just called me, “Incredibly awkward” on a website that allows it’s users to post up pictures of them naked and getting their tits tied up to the point where it looks like they’re going to fall right the fuck off.
Can’t please everyone, I guess. I’m sending out messages to people on FetLife with the following pickup line,
"I’m gonna go ahead and call you, "Winter" because pretty soon you’ll be coming.
Have a nice day.”
Guys, I mean, a triple entendre, and these fucking people are so uptight about it. It’s fucking hilarious.
in my apartment right now. Anyone wanna come cuddle?